Let me get what I want. Lord knows, it would be the first time.

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Let me get what I want. Lord knows, it would be the first time. [entries|friends|calendar]
Chelsea Renee

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a fresh start [
January 11th, 2010 ï 7:21am
[ mood | optimistic ]

This year, 2010, will be the year that I get this life of mine turned around. It's all been out of my hands for far to long.

Not to get off topic but today I was given some advice from someone that I am sure had no idea their words had such and impact on me. The question I asked him was, "What should I do about my friends?" I lose one, I get close with another, then when I try to have them both one gets mad saying that "I have changed so much and I am such a horrible person for being friends with her," and refuses to talk to me. There is just no happy median, I am banned from happily having more than one best friend. His answer was simply "thats kid shit yo, real rap." and "id cut them people outta my life, i dont got time for lil kid games n shit, thats me though." With that said it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks why I can never seem to hold onto a friend too long. And I dont mean for this to come off as being arrogant but I really feel like I'm too mature for all of my friends. I won't get into my reasoning because this is a public blog but for example, I know I would never end a friendship over jealousy issues. And if it was so much of a problem I would have the decency to discuss it instead of ignoring messages and texts and calls like a child.

Getting back to the new years resolutions....I really want to make something out of this year. I can't even believe how much of the past few years have been wasted on nothing at all. No good memories, no great achievements, nothing to really be proud of. My plans for this year is- of course like 99% of America I'm going on a diet. I have a goal to meet by July. I want to be able to wear a swim suite on vacation and not have people looking at me like they are seeing a beached whale. I have to do this! I can't bare to go threw one more year of my life being fat. With that will come some improvements on my confidence and self image. I want to be able to walk into a job interview or any social situation and feel as if I have just as much of a right to be there as anyone else. Thirdly I want to get a second job. Something a little more promising than the one I currently have but still keep both. I need as much income I can get! I want to pay off all of my bills by July as well and begin saving for a new car (a VW!). Be able to make the payments comfortably along with other bills and save up for a new apartment. I figure by fall I will be ready for my own place. I would like to have about $3500 saved before I move out for 2 to 3 months of rent, security deposit, necessity expenses, some extra $$ for emergencies, and of course new apartment decorating! Fourthly I would like to get myself out there more. Not be afraid to meet new people. For the past few years I have hidden behind this small tight knit group of friends and never tried to find a friendship in anyone else. I guess I am scared of what they will think of me? This year I want to put a stop to boring night spent at home alone. I am going to be willing to meet and hang out with anyone willing to offer to hang out with me. and the night I do end up staying in will be spent working out of course!

Well it is 6:37 am. It feels good to get all these scrambling thoughts out of my head so I can finally sleep easy. I am going to start using this more often. I think it will help keep me focused.
Good Night.
0 comments | reply | edit | cliquemb

4 months. [
March 25th, 2008 ï 11:43pm
[ mood | BLAZED ]

Two days ago me and Jeff got in the biggest fight.
I found a conversation between him and his ex girlfriend and they said how they missed each other. And when Jeff told her he was living with me she said he needed to get out of there. And his reason not to was because he didn't have enough money. and she was like "i would come see you but i would probably end up beating the shit out of Chelsea" and he just laughed instead of sticking up for me.
when i read it i was just so hurt. i slapped him across the face so fucking hard haha. and it turned it to this huge dramatic fight. i think the whole ghetto heard it.
but we ended up making up later that night.
we had the best make up sex.
it was like the love making type sex when first realize your in love with someone. it was amazing. and we did it for like 3 hours.
and tonight is our 4 month anniversary only it seems like we've been together for years.
living with someone really is amazing for a relationship.
and you can have sex when ever you want, where ever you want.
i cant wait to heave sex tonight. hahahhaa

i'm so high.

2 comments | reply | edit | cliquemb

March 22nd, 2008 ï 6:35pm
[ mood | hung over ]

The party was pretty lame. But the jungle juice was flowin. I just got really drunk and hung out with Nikki, Tiff, and Tay the whole night. Jeff kind of abandoned me and talked about tattoos to all the guys in the kitchen. There was so much drama. First Tay was wasted and ignoring Tiff. Then Tiff left to go say hey to one of her friends Robbie that lived down the street. Then when tay asked about where she was I told her she left to go say hi to her friend Robbie and some girl Val jokingly said she was cheating on Tay. OKAY first of all you don't joke about shit like that, especially with Tay, and especially when shes drunk. She got so pissed she started crying and blowing up everyones phones trying to get ahold of Tiff. Tiff finally comes back and brings this Robbie kid back with her. Tay locked herself in the bathroom. Then Tiff almost fought the Val girl for saying she was cheating on Tay. blah blah blah... This Robbie kid i had no clue who he was til he walked in the door and my mouth just dropped. Like 2 years ago we were at a party and he locked me in a back room with him and just kept telling me "Your a bad girl so im going to punish you." or "if you try to leave one more time im going to get the trouser snake out on you." and every time id try to leave he would push me down or punch me in the chest. Yea, hes a fucking psycho and Tiff knows everything that happened even though he denies it to this day. I was so pissed that she would even bring him over. And i just gave her this look, and she was like "im sorry but me and him became really good friends last summer." and it just felt like a stab in the back. It made me sick to even think that one of my best friends would even want to be friends with someone that fucking weird even if what happened between me and him never happened. I told Jeff about it and he acted pissed and said he was going to beat the shit out of him but with every drink he had the more he acted like he liked the kid. Anyways besides all the drama it was a pretty good time even though i didnt really like half the people there. We took drunken bathroom pictures like always.

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March 20th, 2008 ï 2:07pm

My first tattoo.  I love it so much.

Last night me and Jeff went to Tiffs to hang out with her Tay, Des, Kasey, and some other girl i never met. We drank some vladi. Me Tiff and Jeff were wasted. Then Tay ended up getting fronted a dime so me and Jeff smoked a blunt with her. It was the giant weed again. I swear that weed makes you feel so tall. When i stood up i was ducking under ceiling fans and through door ways. Im only 5'3 by the way. It was a good time. Especially when tiff was like "i think i need another drink." and i told her there was no chaser left so she pickup up the bottle of vladi and chugged like atleast 3 shots worth. after that you could just tell she was so fucked up, and fallin all over the place. It was so cute because i havent got to get Tiff wasted in a long time.

Later were going to the mall with Tiff and Tay then going out to eat. A double date.
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March 18th, 2008 ï 3:48pm
[ mood | high ]


when you smoke it you walk around like your crushing buildings!

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It will be so warm we won’t have to wear any clothes. We’ll be naked, and happy, and free! [
March 15th, 2008 ï 5:19pm
[ mood | hyper ]

Growing my hair has become one of my favorite past times.
Its getting so long.

Kyllie's baby shower was today. It was really cute. A lot more people were there than I expected but it was all family. I was the only friend invited which made me feel pretty special.

Last night me and Jeff got in a fight over something stupid as usual.
Were poor so its almost impossible to afford the 2 packs of cigs we smoke everyday. I decided that we should try buying the can of tobacco and the cigarette tubes with filters so we could make our own. The tobacco was like $3, the tubes were like $1.99 and it makes 200 cigs so its definitely the way to go. So we get to walmart and of course the cashier is a fucking dumbass and im standing there trying to explain to her what i meant by filtered cigarette tubes while jeff is off in his own little world. Its a long story but he always does this to me. Im the talker of the relationship. I have to do the negotiating with the guy at the pawn shop, i have to set up our t mobile account, i have to go get our cable turned on, and get us on well fare. This is all a first for me and im not used to dealing with adult things on my own and a little help from him would be nice. So basically this walmart thing pissed me off enough to just go off on him about everything else. I called him a fucking idiot and he stormed out of walmart and was all pissed off when we got home so i packed my shit up and was going to go stay at my moms for the night. Then he starts crying and telling me how much he loves me and didnt want me to leave. I just thought it was so funny that he's the emotional one of the relationship.

Last night Tiff and Tay broke up....what a surprise.
and then later on last night they made up....what a surprise.

ohhh and i got my first tattoo. It was jeffs first tattoo on anyone besides himself and it turned out really cute. its a peace sign on my foot. it hurt so fucking bad.

My dad and step mom left for vacation Yesterday. So Thursday I went to a play with them to spend some time together before they left. Then when we got back to their house i stole a pair of my dads sunglasses...

i love them.

more picturesCollapse )

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"the only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open." [
March 7th, 2008 ï 1:27pm
[ mood | cold ]

Its been a little over month now that me and jeff have been living together.
I was having major doubts about it working out which led to me being a complete bitch towards him. But i thought about it a lot and i cant see things being any other way.
Last night I went to see my grandparents after I cut Jakes hair. Its been like 2 months since I've seen them and my grandma is getting really bad. I told them about Jeff and they were so suprised that i had a boyfriend let alone im living with him. My grandpa was like, "This means your probably going to get married before your sister!" i thought that was cute but its not going to happen. Im 19 and there is definitely no marriage in the near future.

I recently found out that Jordan's dating this Jenn girl and everytime i think about it i start cracking up. When he sees my mom or my sister he tells them how much he misses me which i can understand since his girlfriend is probably amoung the trashiest girls in new castle.

Tuesday me and Jeff went to cranberry to get some money off his dad. He handed us $1,000. I almost shit myself. It was the first time i held that much money. But we went to the mall, jeff bought an xbox 360, we got a bunch of groceries, and a lot of weed so were down to like $300 already. But I've been working my ass off cutting hair and doing odd jobs for my parents for extra cash to pay my bills because I hate having Jeff help me. This whole grown up thing is hard as fuck and trying to make things work with no job is even harder. but im doing it, and its actually kind of fun. Me and Jeff have to talk about our finances and cute things like that.

I miss the shit out of Amanda. She was like the guy on couch in Half baked for the last 3 weeks she was here but i still miss her so much. She was the only person in new castle that is exactly like me and now shes in Arizona. I feel so shitty because besides jeff all of my close friends are just kind of drifting away.

Lately we've just been having people over to chill, blaze, trip on triple C's, and drink. We had an 80s party too but i was drunk and deleted all the pictures from that night. Heres some from the last couple weeks.

Pictures!Collapse )

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